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| Photo : Garance Dore |
Hi everyone!
Recently I read a book called The Top Five Regrets Of The
Dying by Bronnie Ware. Bronnie is an Australian nurse who
has spent many years caring for patients in the last 12 weeks
of their lives.
She originally kept a blog recording their dying epiphanies,
then following the popularity of this blog, she ended up writing
a book that detailed the top 5 regrets of the dying from these
epiphanies.
In this article, I want to present the 5 regrets of the dying and
how you can learn from these 'end of life' epiphanies.
Regret #1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to
myself, not the life others expected of me
According to Bronnie, "This was the most common regret of all.
When people realize that their life is almost over and look back
clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone
unfulfilled."
The eye-opening thing to note is that most people that Bronnie
observed had not even honored even half of their dreams, and
had to die knowing that they could have achieved these if it were
not for choices they had regretted making.
The thing is, when we are healthy, we have enormous freedom
and time that very few people can properly appreciate, until we
no longer have it.
Letting your life meander on, or putting more emphasis on
achieving others' expectations of you could mean sacrificing
your dreams, and your destiny that you were meant to fulfill.
Regret #2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed
their children's youth and their partner's companionship."
Bearing in mind that most of the patients that Bronnie nursed
were from an older generation where the breadwinners were
often males, women who did work also spoke of this regret.
Being a father of 2 now, I can see how this can easily happen.
Kids grow up very fast, and when you are trying to save for
many different things (the next house, children's schooling,
etc), it's easy to find yourself putting aside family time in
favor of getting things done at work.
That is unfortunately the way of life for many people and it
can be challenging to move outside of this.
Just remember though... The time for happiness is (and
always was) NOW.
You can put a price on a house, on food, on education,
but you can't put a price on time missed with your partner,
your children and other loved ones.
Always find time. Some way. Some how.
Don't let work/family life fall out of balance.
Regret #3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my
feelings
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace
with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence
and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.
Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and
resentment they carried as a result."
You were put on this earth for a reason, and if you don't live
true to yourself and speak up for yourself, then while you
mean to keep peace, most of the time you'll actually be
stunting the growth of your relationships with yourself and
with others.
Regret #4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
"Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they
had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were
many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and
effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when
they are dying."
I don't necessarily advocate living every day as if it were
your last, but make sure that from time to time, you look at
your life and ask yourself the question, if I were to die
tomorrow ... have I been spending as much time with my
family and friends as I should have, or would there be regrets?
Several different research studies have proven that the
number one factor contributing to human happiness is the
strength of your close friendships.
There have been many studies that back up what I've
been saying about the importance of strong social
connections on human health and wellbeing. For instance,
in 2007, the American Journal of Public Health published
the results of a survey of 24,000 workers. Their results
showed that the men and women with the weakest social
ties were the most likely to suffer from major depressive
symptoms
.
It doesn't seem to matter whether you have one or more
close friendships, what matters is the strength of the
connections that you do form with friends and relatives
and how often you spend time cooperating in activities
and sharing your personal feelings with them.
Just to reiterate, it's not the quantity of your interpersonal
relationships, it's the quality that counts.
Regret #5. I wish I had let myself be happier
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize
until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed
stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort'
of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their
physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others,
and to their selves, that they were content. When deep
within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in
their life again."
If you have any trouble being happy right NOW, then it's
time you started preparing a gratitude journal. Every day
write down 3 things about the world and/or your life that
you are grateful for. It might be your spouse, it might be
the fact that you have 2 legs, there are many obvious and
less obvious things in this world to be grateful for, and when
you bring them to your conscious attention on a daily basis,
you'll find yourself immensely happier as a result.
Concluding thoughts...
If you think that you are not living according to what you
want with your life, then NOW is the time to change for the
better. Ask yourself what you want so that you can finally
start enjoying your life.
Remember that we are given one chance to live out our
destiny and to make a difference to the world.
It's your life, and how it plays out is a direct function of the
choices that YOU make.
Choose to be true to yourself, work hard in a profession
that you are passionate about, but DON'T let your life
become a treadmill of 'work' - especially not in a career
that you were not destined for, choose to spend more
time with your family and friends, choose to express
your feelings, choose to be happy... NOW.
Kind regards,
Mark Ling,
Cofounder of Manifestation Miracle
