Emerging from a time of silence.
I am resting in this silence.
I am actually praying for it, and I am grateful for this feeling of stillness in my heart and mind.
It is a God's blessing, nothing less, to find a cluster of stillness in the eye of the storm.
Mind you, it's not always there.
There are the problems that we face as a familly and as business people, the anger, the fear, the depressive atmosphere, one week having the feeling that things will eventually work out, then the next two weeks the shop produces nothing, nada, zero. Looking at last year's figures under the company's pressure to produce numbers, is maddening.
But somehow I feel totally still. I do what I have to do and I stop thinking about tomorrow.
Because nothing seems to be under my control apart from how I face the facts of the economy, of my clients, of the bills that pile up.
There is nothing I can do apart from taking care of my own attitude and my own feelings.
Can you imagine being in such a state of helplessness that you finally feel it is just OK?
You either feel trapped and want to hit someone in the face
you decide to keep calm and carry on
cause there is nothing better to do.
And then there are the events that are violently unfolding for our country
of which you no doubt are aware of.
There is anger and a certain sadness for the fate of this glorious country that has come up with such inadequate leaders. Inadequate? Or plainly executing a death contract for Greece?
People are angry but I am afraid they will once again be manipulated into being passive again and scared.
These are such fallen times.
There is the fun part of it all.
I wish Greeks would kick the whole bunch of useless bastards out of our country.
There are times when I see all this as a blessing. A disillusionment.
Funnily enough, there are days I remember my mother insisting I follow my academic career in England.
I want to hear her say "I told you so"
and for the first time I shall reply "you were right".
And there are times I want to start writing "take me out to Alaska, to the North Pole, to dear old England, to the depths of the Black Forest, anywhere but this blessed place that gives me such heartache".
There are days I read all about solar cookers and chicken coops
cause I'm fearing we might need to live in DH's village and have to feed for ourselves~ litterally.
There are days I remember that this time of the year I'd be preparing my Christmas shopping lists and in a little while I'd be packing Christmas presents.
This year I wonder if we'll make it to the next electricity bil.
I find that our kids are landing in an unexpectedly softer place, less judgemental, where the shock of change of lifestyle gives way to acceptance and to seeing what is good in people.
I know they are not happy for what is going on, but in a way that is good, because they see politics for what it really is, and they are slowly shifting towards caring more about Greece.
My eldest who was all set to go to England next year, is still hoping that she will get to go, but is now more resillient in the prospect of coping right here, right now.
And my youngest is accepting that we were not exagerating when we talked to them about the endless strives and dramas of Greek history.
She can see for herself that the land of Leonidas is equally prone to produce Ephialtes.
Yes, through this degrading experience, my kids learn to love the essence, the spiritual and moral dimension of Greece more.
As for myself.
For a long time I read about surrendering to God and I found it unthinkable.
How can you do it?
How can you stop the internal chatter that keeps telling you you can do it, you are in control, only you have to try harder, work harder, please harder?
I can tell you,
God has the way to bring you to Him. Has a way to get you to let go.
Don't wait till something hard hits you on the face to surrender to Him. What you should watch for is to surrender to the right force. I say, Do Not surrender your soul, your ideals, your principals, all that makes you human to anyone and for no reason whatsoever.
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? Matthew 16:26
Stick to Him and all will work out. Trust me.