It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love, or how you love, it matters only that you love - John LennonTalking about love with your partner can be illuminating. The following questions can help you do this:
1. IS THIS LOVE OR IS IT FEAR?The profound fear ‘I don’t deserve to receive love’ is one of the main causes of problems in love. If you can’t love yourself, how can someone else love you?
2. IS THIS LOVE OR IS IT DEPENDENCE?Of course you can ask each other for help. But when dependence goes too far, you will see the other as your source of love. This will make you feel that you can’t do without your partner, and this can be detrimental to your self-esteem.
3. IS THIS LOVE OR IS IT ATTACHMENT?There is a difference between connectedness and attachment. In attachment, you mainly feel fear and anxiousness: it is a ‘contract’ that is based on the specific form of your relationship. Connectedness is independent from ‘form’: even if you live miles apart from each other, love abides.
4. IS THIS LOVE OR DO I HAVE SOME HIDDEN AGENDA?Love has no agenda, because a loving attitude is not based on ‘getting’ and ‘receiving’, but on ‘being’. If you give love to receive love, you will eventually be disappointed and indignant.
5. IS THIS LOVE OR SELF-SACRIFICE?There are limits: healthy sacrifice is based on love, but unhealthy sacrifice is based on fear. Once you know the difference, you will know better how to give and receive love.
6. IS THIS LOVE OR AM I TRYING TO CHANGE THE PERSON I LOVE?You cannot simultaneously love someone and want to change him or her.
7. IS THIS LOVE OR AM I TRYING TO CONTROL THIS PERSON?Control is a form of fear. And control impedes growth.